I can't eat ! Guilt, Guilt, Guilt!

I've been on a few fitness websites, such as Fitocracy, PEERtrainer, and My Fitness Pal, and a few things you'll see from general users (I mean us everday folk that aren't food nutritionist, just trying to get by) is the same general issues people have with having foods that are on the Do Not Fly list, and that it is HORRIBLE that they ate one of them.  Not things that affect medicene's or don't agree with them, as for me it's soy, I mean the shameful, disgusting, horrible, unhealthy foods that sometimes pass our lips and may go to the hips!

Foods like baked goods, alcohol, ice cream, fried foods, etc.  are the most common 'forbidden foods', that people feel guilty over eating, or won't log even in their food diary for shame.  But why?  Why is there such shame in the occasional treat, or not so healthy meal?  These are people that I watch log their food daily, and they all eat fairly healthy most of the time, so why is there this perverse ideal that anything that isn't typically healthy is completely forbidden?

A blog that I read recently from Victorious Eating, Thinking & Weight Loss had a lot of good points in their decision to let go food obsession.  I'd have to say my favorite part was the Truth list -
You and I are not better people when we make healthy food decisions. 
You and I are not worse people when we make unhealthy food decisions. 
Food should NEVER cause you or I to feel guilty or ashamed unless we are letting it control us. 
There is SO much more to life than your next or last meal.

It's not uncommon for co-workers, family, and friends to try and shame us about our choices "Ohh you're eating white bread"  "Are you sure you should eat those chips?" but it's even worse when we internalize that shame and start making the same comments to ourselves.  Why should we be ashamed when we have something that isn't necessarily that good for us?  So you had 2 pieces of fried chicken with one meal, so you
had a soda once this week, so you had a cupcake, oh nooooo!  How can you ever face a vegetable again?  It's going to look at you with it's leafy splendor and refuse to grant you any of it's healthful benefits, right?  What a bunch of phooey!  You ate something delicious, good for you, let's move on.

Stress over a bad food choice is bad (it is stress, how can that help?), eat what you want to eat just make good choices overall.  You are eating healthy, the occasional cookie is not going to kill you or sabotage your healthy eating lifestyle.  Otherwise, one night you'll find yourself binging on the kitchen floor hugging a gallon of ice cream (Blue Bell Dutch Chocolate...maybe Lemon Bliss), rocking back and forth sobbing "Now I'll be fat forever".

It's food.  Eat it.  Enjoy it.  Make good healthy choices.  Don't obsess over it.
P.S. I had bananas with dark chocolate and bacon last night.  It was delicious.

Do YOUR best

"Do your best, forget the rest", it's a saying that I've heard for years, but more in school and work, though completely applicable to the weight loss world as well.  As I talked with my manager today, he was reminding me that despite my lack of zoom at Zumba (I was slightly speedier than the 50-60yr old woman), to keep with it as things would change.

His daughter began running track at the beginning of the school year, and where before she couldn't run that long, or that fast, she's improved vastly, as was seen when her softball coach had the team go do laps, and she outpaced them all.  Bonus, she did not have to run the slacker bonus round that everyone else got.  Before this school year she may have been in the 'group pack' that most of the people were in.  My boss told her, see, that's what happens when you do your best, it pays off, and by golly he's right.  It absolutely applies with weight loss both food and exercise, we're human, we're not perfect, but we can all strive for OUR best every day.
 
A lot of people compare themselves to other people.  Yes I participated in a faux Biggest Loser at a job, and felt very competitive against other people, why?  Sure, Bob may have lost 5pds last week, and you lost 0.5pds, is Bob giving you his weight to take off too?  I hope not, yikes!  Let it go. Good for you Bob, and you know what, I lost too, fantastic, you're both living this healthier life.  It's not a race, it's not a competition (unless you're on Biggest Loser), as long as you're doing your best, that's what counts.  Healthy living is for the long run, it's not a fad diet.


Just do YOUR best.

And where I did not do so well last week at the gym, this week I got through the whole workout with only minor pauses for water, and the occasional grumbling (me doth protest the wall squats with the exercise ball).  I did my best.

A learning experience for a gym virgin

I decided that the hot (95+) humid (60+) degree weather this summer would not be logical to work out in outside.  So I finally got around to joining a fitness center/gym and in doing so, I figured it might be good to get a personal trainer, just 2 times a month, to keep me in line, and show me what to work on.
My first time ever in an actual gym/fitness center.  My first time with a trainer.  Whoo boy.

 Here's some of what I learned:

• While I can walk and kinda jog over a mile and a half, this doesn't mean I'm in shape.  In fact, my core is sadly out of shape, and so were my thighs (which I knew I was weak on, but not that much).
• Having a Personal Trainer was a benefit, as I did exercises I wouldn't have done on my own with equipment I wouldn't normally use (stair steps, exercise ball, floor mat).
• You can weigh over 300pds and still get on an exercise ball and you won't die, and it won't pop.  I was skeptical at first.
• Eat a small nutritious and filling snack before you go, about 30 min ahead of time, it does help.  Being hungry or on an empty stomach does not benefit you. (I also learned what it feels like to almost pass out, could have skipped that part)
• Ask the trainer questions, or to repeat a move, mine was very patient and did not hesitate to demonstrate again if needed.
• Just go and do it, no matter how much or little if you really feel you can't.  I had to stop twice for an extended amount of time (a minute or 2 if not more than), my trainer was supportive and encouraging when I was ready.  
• Even if you don't go with a trainer, most gyms will have someone walk you through how to use the equipment (because they don't want you breaking their equipment) so you get comfortable.  Don't just go and use the treadmill and leave, like I planned on when I thought about joining.

I did not get through my full workout.  Partly because we did the weight in, measuring, and benchmark tests, and partially because I had to take extra time.  But I went, and I did it, and I hurt a lot.  And I'm going to do it again on Monday. I'm planning on going tonight (after I man up a bit) and at least getting a walk in to loosen my thighs.  Oh the pain.

The devil in the details

Healthy eating is scary!  The last thing that you would think of is that healthy eating is scary, it should be the exact opposite, shouldn't it?  The Terrible Tragedy of the Healthy Eater is an amusing read on how delving in to healthy eating can be quite terrifying.  Not that I'm not guilty of most of that myself.  I eat low carb, no/little wheat, no grain, no soy (due to my thyroid), if anything it does make eating more difficult, but tasty.  Though I did find myself looking longingly at a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

But sometimes you're eating healthy, sometimes you aren't really eating healthy.  People fall into false the false belief that eating 'organic' means eating healthy, and that simply isn't true.  While 100% Organic fods must be 99.6% fully organic (205.302   Calculating the percentage of organically produced ingredients.),

organic and 'natural' foods can still container filler ingredients of wheat, soy, syrups, artificial colorings.

205.301   Product composition.
(b) Products sold, labeled, or represented as “organic.” A raw or processed agricultural product sold, labeled, or represented as “organic” must contain (by weight or fluid volume, excluding water and salt) not less than 95 percent organically produced raw or processed agricultural products. Any remaining product ingredients must be organically produced, unless not commercially available in organic form, or must be nonagricultural substances or nonorganically produced agricultural products produced consistent with the National List in subpart G of this part. If labeled as organically produced, such product must be labeled pursuant to § 205.303.

And just in case you think it's just the Organic foods that can hide things, did you know that some salts have sugar added to them?  Because that's just what I need with my salt!  125g serving (little more than half a cup) of Ragu spaghetti sauce has 6 grams of sugar, with it being the 4th ingredient, falling behind soybean oil, and salt.  Compare that to an Oreo cookie that has 5 grams of sugar.  And let's not assume I'm just picking on sugar, as there are hidden ingredients such as Yellow #5, aka Tartrazine, which has been banned in the UK, and which the FDA regulates the creation of, because there is a potential link to hyperactivity in children, and a insensitivity, and is used in products such as One a Day Women's 50+/Active Metabolism, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

What it comes down to is, that ulultimately the best food is fresh food you cook, where you know what all the ingredients are.  Bypassing that (as time and convenience get to most of us), read the labels always, my mom always told me this, but it was the nutrition not the ingredients she was talking about.  Understand what the items are in the food you're eating, if anything else, it may just encourage you to pick up that banana, instead of that bag of chips.

The world of weight loss

My whole life (or at least that's what it feels like) I've been overweight.  I make no bones about it, I mean, it's pretty hard to hide being fat.  It's far easier to hide my romance novel collection from the friends who would tease me.  I was lucky in both school and adult life to have not really run into people that make fat jokes around me, I tend to make them about myself, because that steals all the fun out of some peoples life.

But this is who I am, there's no hiding it.  While I lost a bunch of weight (we're talking over 100 pounds) in 2008-2009, I was laid off from my job, got really depressed, stopped exercising, stopped eating healthy, stopped caring, as I talked about here.  A year later (when this picture was taken), I was back up to the weight I was before, but I wasn't ready to get back to being healthy, despite the issues I had when camping.

But now, I'm back, and determined that even if I never loose all the weight I want, that I will not be this person.  Because this person is still going to eat better, and make better choices.  And because if I don't, the zombies in the Zombie 5K app are going to get me.

The weight loss world is terrifying.  If you're not in it, you almost can't understand the scope of insanity that we're talking about.  There are conflicting reports about what is, and isn't good for you, everyone thinks they know what is best (ok guilty, sometimes I come off as preachy), and while everyone is trying to do their best, we're people, and we make mistakes, and the world of weight loss is filled with the guilt over mistakes, over who we are, and what we're planning on doing.

Why not make it dinner in?

Every now and again I like to splurge and have a nice dinner, and normally going out is how most people splurge.  However, I was reading 100 Days of Real Food lately, and it kind of gave me the heebie jeebies as to eating out.  What are they putting in my food back there that I don't know about?!

I had already picked up a Sirloin Tip steak from Whole Foods in preparation of this... event.  While I normally buy my meats from a 'regular' store, I wholly and truly believe that organic meat just darn well tastes better, and in the case of steak, if I'm going to pay $5/lb at the store, I can go get one from Whole Foods on sale for $6.99/lb on sale (it was .63lbs, so less than $5).  And while I'd like to buy a half a cow, I've come to the conclusion I do not want a deep freezer in my apartment living room.  I mean, I might actually use that space at some point.

I won't go into the nitty gritty details, there are thousands of places that will tell you how to cook a steak, suffice to say, I love my cast iron skillet.  Sometimes I want to sing 70's love songs to it, just so it knows.  A package of pre-chopped cauliflower (makes a great faux mashed potato) that was cheaper than buying a head, and another splurge for the 'special night' is that I had.. cheese!  Now I've had a little feta on salads, but since I started watching my weight again, I have not had a lot of cheese.  I love cheese.  I have a Cheesus Christ cheese grater, that's how much I love cheese.  Needless to say I missed cheese.  So a little smoked gouda on the cauliflower, a little port salut cheese on the steak, and ahh.

All in all, with the cost of everything, my dinner was probably about $10, which is far less expensive than going out, and I didn't have to deal with crying kids, cell phones, and rude servers.

Pretending Paleo

Pretending Paleo??  You either are or you're not right?  It seems that societies views are that if we follow a popular 'diet' (and I consider Paleo a lifestyle, not a diet), we must follow it all the way or we're not truly doing it justice.  I don't really understand why that is, why can't we adopt the concept of eating and living a certain way without the rigidity of the way some are structured?  Why should we feel ashamed, or guilty if we don't happen to follow the perceived exact route?  This is my life!  I refuse to feel guilt!

So why am I going at this part of the way?
On the plus side: I truly believe that there are great benefits to following a paleo lifestyle, I have a married couple that I know that are completely paleo and have seen the benefits to their personal selves, so I know at least it works for some.  Plus any lifestyle that promotes eating delicious meat is one I can get behind. 
On the negative side: While I have a career, and I am able to pay my own bills, my grocery budget is not very large.  In fact, I often go over what I am budgeted to spend on groceries just to be able to eat pretty healthy, with a few splurges here and there.  Maybe better grocery shopping is something that I need to work on too.  Always room for improvement!  I know there are many people and websites out there that say you can eat paleo on the cheap, but often it goes where I will not.

I have accepted the fact that I will not go to the lengths that some people do, such as raising their own food (look my kale plant is awesome, but it's a miracle it's survived, I'm in an apartment, and my patio is in almost full shade 90% of the day), having a deep freezer for that side of cow in my living room is not in the list (while it's a large living room, it's not huge), an there are some random other things.  I accept these and things that I personally am not willing to do, but kudos for the people that do, I don't knock it.

This just means that while I try and eat healthy, I'm just not 100% paleo, and I'm ok with that.  It's not drug or alcohol rehab, I don't have to go all in.  But I really do like those paleo honey muffins.  Yum.